a whole bunch of words...

i have to apologize that there there was no update on the room today,
but i had a pretty exciting doctor's appointment this afternoon,
and couldn't focus on anything else except the fact that my doctor told me...

(drumroll please)

that he would induce me on Saturday!

So hopefully, tomorrow i will be wrapping
up with a last look at Caedmon's room
with full photos!

cause hopefully the next post after that
will be after she is born!

i had lots and lots of different thoughts running around in my head today, with such unexpected news from the doctor... and i think in ten years i would like to remember what i was thinking and feeling at this particular moment in my life, so i will share them with you all too!

first:
family really is so important to me. i want to share all the best times of my life with these people. these are people that will be in my life forever, and not just a season of my life, and just with that perspective alone, I feel such a love and appreciation for every one of them.
i can't even describe how i feel about having a family of my own, and how much i already love and care about this little girl inside me. what a precious gift that has been given to me, and can't help but feel an overwhelming responsibility to do everything right, even though i know that i will fail sometimes. but she is my own flesh and blood, my family, a product of me and of russ, and we will forever be bonded by that. i know that regardless of whether or not i do exactly the right thing, it will never change the fact that we are and always will be connected to each other. And i love that all of these things roll into our relationships with our other family members. Whether or not we all do exactly the right things, these people are still the people that i love so much.

second:
i love that i have supportive friends. even though life doesn't guarantee that I will have the same
people around me forever, i feel like there are so many people in my life that i can look back on and know the purpose that God had for their relationship with me. even in middle school! so a word to the teenagers, it really does make a difference who your friends are when you are young, because these are the people that will shape and mold you into who you are today. no one is perfect, and it seems that during so many points of my life, there has been someone to call me out, give me their honest opinion, or just be there to say only what i need them to say and agree with me, or cry with me, or laugh with me... i mean, i am about to have my first baby, and i am beyond excited, and i am glad that i can have people to be excited with me. i am so blessed to have any friends at such an incredible time in my life, even if it was just one. but thankfully, i have so many more than that.

third:
The Lord is pretty stinkin' amazing. And i don't deserve to be so loved by Him. I don't pray enough, i don't read scripture enough, i don't trust him enough, i don't love people around me enough, i am not disciplined enough. sometimes i become apathetic in my relationship with Him, i am selfish, and full of sin, and make terrible decisions daily. But he still loves me. And cares for me. And he daily provides for me. How can people not believe in that love and power? I am just in awe. He makes miracles happen every single day. He completely created a brand new person inside me, from nothing. She has ears, eyes, arms, legs, a beating heart, all because God designed her exactly the way he wanted her to be. She is perfect because of Him.

fourth:
my husband really is a solid foundation for our family, and i never thought i would feel that way about him the very first time i met him, cause he played video games, and spent all of his money on candy and cokes.
i am so thankful for his support/encouragement/protection/love for me, and i love watching this spill over into how he feels for our daughter that will be here so very soon. I am in awe of how God designed our relationship to be so perfect for us to learn how to love and respect each other in marriage. even though we fight and argue over the silliest stuff sometimes, i never doubt that his commitment to me and now to our very own family is unwavering. i love that man with every piece of me, even when i don't want to. i love that he makes me laugh, and doesn't want me to cry or be upset, or watch me hurt in any way. i love that he makes sacrifices that he never brags or boasts about.
i love that he tries so hard to make the best decisions for our family, and that he thinks of me in those decisions. I love that i can depend on him, and stand on his decisions, and that we can walk through this life together, rather than both of us searching for answers/advice on our own, and then trying to come to an agreement. i can simply ask Russ, and know that whatever he says, regardless of what the decision is about, is what we will do, and we will do it together.

Russ, so many people have told me that they can't remember what life was like in their marriage before they had kids, but i hope that i will never forget these moments that we had in our first two years, just the two of us. the fun times we had, the laughs we shared, the fights that helped us figure out how to communicate with each other, and the love that we have had for each other. even in your imperfections, you are perfect. thank you for being so sensitive and not scared to show your emotions, or admit when you are wrong. i absolutely love that about you. saying i love you isn't close to enough for what i feel for you right now. you are the love of my life, the leader of our home, and i hope that one day our daughter will look at our marriage and see a picture of christ loving his church, and want that for herself.
i cannot wait to watch you look at your daughter for the very first time.
i can't believe that we created something so wonderful together.
and i hope she has your eyelashes.

and last but not least:
i can not believe that i am about to have a real life person to call my daughter. the idea of this completely overwhelms me sometimes that i just have to cry. not because i am sad, but because i am so ridiculously happy. for probably the past month or so, i have woken up every morning, and just walked into her room and just stood there just looking around. the sunlight in the morning is so great in her room, and i love just feeling complete joy for those few minutes. i have thoughts all the time of what she will be like at a certain age, or just the little things that she will say and do that i will want to share with the whole world. i can't wait to be there for her when she is sick or scared, or upset. i can't wait to be there for her when she is really happy or excited or really proud of something she did. i love that she will be ours, and that no one else can make a decision for her, besides me and russ (until she can make decisions on her own, and by then i hope that russ and i have taught her everything she needs to know to make a good decision for herself) i know that comes with responsibility, but i am so ready.

I know that things won't be perfect all the time, and that accidents will happen, and we will do things that we might not KNOW are the right thing, but thankfully we both (Russ & I) trust Jesus to continue to take care of us regardless of what we do. We won't be the perfect parents (who is?), but we'll be parents just the same, and i am pretty excited about that.

Caedmon, i love you so much,
and i hope you will be able to feel all of that
love the moment you first lay in my arms.